We’ve all heard, “You can’t love others until you learn to love yourself”. And even though it’s a simple statement, it can seem super challenging (but certainly not impossible). Indeed, self-love plays a vital role in our relationships with other people. Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, the way we treat ourselves always reflects the quality of our relationships. Therefore, I think it is essential to know and understand how self-love affects the love we give and receive from other people. Here’s everything you need to know about self-love in relationships.
A Healthy Relationship Should Be a Partnership
That means you don’t have to depend on other people to feel loved or valuable. Dependency is defined as “excessive emotional or psychological dependence on a partner, usually a partner who needs support because of illness or addiction.” It is usually a toxic relationship that can occur when one or both partners lack self-love, self-esteem, self-respect self-worth, self-confidence, self-compassion, etc. This can happen in varying degrees, but in any case, it is not a healthy state. When you develop a dependency on your partner, it starts to scare you. For example, you start thinking: What if this person gives up? How will I live without them? Who else will love me? When a relationship breaks down, you are devastated and think you will never find someone else.
Yes, divorce is harrowing! But if you love yourself fiercely and passionately, it is easier to get up from the fall. “An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.” Pia Scade says it all. Think of a relationship as a partnership – as two complete people coming together to uplift, strengthen and support each other, not as two “halves” coming together to form a whole. While it may sound cute and romantic to call someone “complete,” it shouldn’t be the case at any cost! Instead of looking for someone to “complete” you or affirm your worth, make yourself whole on your own!
The Way You Treat Yourself Shows How You Demand to Be Treated
If you treat yourself without love and affection, you indirectly allow others to do the same. So, it’s important you set high standards for yourself. Protect yourself and only yourself! Keep repeating mantras like, “I’m much better off. I won’t let this happen to me.” If you don’t love yourself first, you have no standards for how others should treat you. When you have unconditional love for yourself, it’s much easier to recognize when people give you less than you deserve. When you become loving towards yourself, you will stop associating with certain people because you realize that they don’t make you feel good, they don’t encourage you, and they don’t help you grow. Yes, it can be hard and even painful. But as you learn to love yourself and develop deep appreciation and connectedness with yourself, your tolerance for negativity and disrespect will decrease, and toxic relationships will simply no longer be worth your time and energy.
Cultivating self-love in a relationship means saying goodbye to insecurity, jealousy and lust. Loving yourself and truly accepting your true self makes you confident, strong and secure in your relationships. It means becoming empowered, bold and killing it! You will feel whole and no longer need external validation. You will love from a place where you feel fulfilled, not from a place where you feel empty, and you will understand your own needs, which will help you communicate effectively with your partner. When you genuinely love yourself, you will know what boundaries to set, what to accept and when to let go and walk away. You can read more about the importance of cultivating self-love in relationships in the second part of this article.