I recently read “The Five Love Languages”, the best-selling book written by relationship expert Gary Chapman. I found it very interesting. The author argues that each of us, and depending on how we were loved by our parents during childhood, has a particular way of giving and receiving love.
The most beautiful mystery of love is that with a single word many forms and many modalities are enclosed. Because everyone loves, and feels loved, in a very different way from the other.
This is what we call our love language, and although over time we may learn to communicate in other ways, it is our primary language, and when our partner does not share it (because everyone has their own way of communicating), we do not feel loved.
Imagine trying to speak Spanish with an Egyptian… This is when the problems in relationships start (as a couple, in particular, but it applies to everyone). It’s time to start working on discovering what are the ways of communicating love that make us feel loved and, also, how we express love. Maybe, who knows, you will even become a love polyglot.
In today’s article, let’s discover what are the 5 Love Languages that Chapman spoke about.
Words of Affirmation
Words are powerful, it is well known, since with them we not only describe our reality, but we also create it (subject of another article). Those who speak this language express their love with words and feel loved also through the verb. Compliments, letters, declarations of love. But be careful, not just any words, but words that affirm the pride and happiness of having this person with you and the positive evaluation you make of them.
This is one of my favorite love languages and it’s the simple act of spending time alone with the other, uninterrupted by anything or anyone, intentionally creating the time and space to deepen the connection. Is there anything more beautiful than spending time with each other, without the presence of others and with the phone only available to take a selfie? (Which will be published once the quality time is up, of course).
Giving and Receiving Gifts
This is another of my love languages (I have a mix of this and quality time, as mentioned above), and I want to advocate for it. No, it’s not about being a material girl (or boy), it’s about receiving (and giving!) concrete objects or experiences that make the love our partner claims to profess to us palpable. The price has nothing to do with it (we already know that money can’t buy love… but alas, it can buy so many other things!); it can be a flower, a chocolate (or several), an object that our partner remembers we love (teddy bears, a postcard for our collection), or an experience (a picnic under the stars, a ticket to a concert, a day at the spa).
There’s not much to explain here. It’s not just about sexual intimacy (although that’s a very important part), but also about cuddling, massages given without being asked, kissing goodbye and before going to sleep, walking down the street holding hands…
Acts of Service
It is about doing something for and for the other person, doing something that you know will help. Doing the dishes, vacuuming, anything that will relieve the other person of the task they had to do.
Did you already realize what was your love language? How about your spouse’s? Share every details with us in the comments below! We cannot wait to read what you’ve found out and how you’ll adopt this new learning in your every day life to strengthen your relationship with the love of your life!